Rantings of a Single Mom

The joys, fears and most importantly - Rants of a single mother!

My rantings

I'm getting married tomorrow

Posted on October 1, 2010 at 11:36 AM Comments comments (1)
We picked up our marriage license. It was all very quick & painless. Fill out this 1/2 sheet of paper. I'm going to read back what you wrote. I'm going to make a big deal out of characters that aren't perfectly written. I'm going to seat you at the sticky table and come back 7 minutes later with all the same info you just completed -- printed on a green sheet of paper. I'm then going to copy said green sheet, twice, and have you both sign. Bam. Its done. But someone needs to tell me what the $60 is FOR?!? In MN its like a buck 25 and I can't figure out why it costs $125 to get married...I digress. We're getting married!!!!!!!!!!!! In front of our family & friends; we make all sorts of warm & gooey promises to each other. Plus, we get to kiss AND eat cake! This rocks!!

67 Days

Posted on July 27, 2010 at 2:48 PM Comments comments (2)

Today is one of those days. Today, I can focus on nothing else, besides getting married.


Not the wedding. Not the pretty dress, or the cake (mmmm. cake. - ok, wait, I'm being serious!), or the lake/mountain views. I'm excited to gather with loved ones, to laugh & have fun. But, I'm deep-down to my core, ecstatic about marrying the man that I love. I have no misconceptions of the requirements to maintain a successful marriage. I don't think its going to be a cakewalk 24/7...365. But I *know* that we have what it takes to make it. And I'm ready. I'm ready!! I've spent many, many more months than the past 17 preparing for this. I've screwed up royally, fallen, dusted myself off, written myself off, restored faith in my own abilties...I've questioned, listened, analyzed...I've prayed, I've listened (listening is important). And I'm here; and ready for "me" to become "we".

The beginning is almost here. 67 days!

I used to be a fully functioning adult

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 11:01 PM Comments comments (2)

There will not be another non-wedding stuff post until after October 2nd. Well, maybe after November 2nd...I don't know...

So, I used to be real independent and all that foolishness; but not anymore. I just had a hell of a time pushing the mattress back up against the headboard where it's supposed to be. I stood there and waited for Mike to get this small storage bin down so I could find some shorts (shit that I can't fit).

He was giving me a hard time today because he said we can order checks now that I'm officially on the account. I like to pay bills with checks; he likes to use online bill pay. I told him (while out on a date having yummy deliciousness) that I'm converting to his way. I was serious. He gave me a "get the hell outta here" look and I was like...what?? Well, me coming over to his way really consists of me marking the outside of the envelope with an amount and due date and putting it in the paper holder thingy next to the computer. LMAO!!!! I'm going to tackle that online bill payment thing. I will pay the water bill all by myself...

The directer of the REU program asked me if I would consider taking the position full-time. Why yes I will! I will take $4000 tax free dollars (WOOOHOOO more lemonade!!) and research experience, and networking opportunities, and free outings all around the Twin Cities because most are from different Universities.

I registered for a shitload of classes next semester. My advisor tried to get me to take Physical Chemistry II. I had enrolled for it. The course plan for ChemE has it listed in the final semester of senior year. I dropped it - quickly. I'm taking OChem II, Calc IV (my last calc class!!), Chem Engineering; Material & Energy Balances (??), Evolution & Biology of Sex (I hate biology with a deep searing passion and refuse to take gen bio. This satisfies my biological sciences lib ed requirement....and it actually sounds interesting)

Biol 1003, THE EVOLUTION AND BIOLOGY OF SEX examines evolution of sexual reproduction, genetics and biology of sex determination, sexual selection, human reproduction, disease transmission, the biology of love, human behavior, overpopulationand resource depletion. In both lecture and laboratory, you will explore what sex can teach us about ourselves by using scientific reasoning, articulation of testable hypotheses, and scientific data analysis. At the end of the course, you will have a better understanding of how sex affects our lives and be prepared to continue to learn about this fascinating topic.

And.......I'm taking Intro Guitar! LOL!!! I've always wanted to learn to play guitar and piano. I said to myself...I said self...check to see if it's offered on campus! At the U, you pay a flat tuition rate for "full time"; which is 13 credits. Anything beyond 13 credits is free. Ambitious students use this to take tons of required classes, thus shortening their stint at the U. I use it to do fun stuff like tennis and guitar. This past semester I was trying to take Yoga but it met at like 6 a.m. and that is NOT me. I have to find me a nice, cheap, acoustic guitar over the summer.

Hmmm, wedding stuff...I may have a lead on an affordable cake. My mom has a sister in the Mosque who is a baker and offered to bake it...but then we (or someone) would have to transport it from Charlotte and I don't want anyone to have to transport a cake for 2 hours in a car. So I'm looking at bakeries in Asheville. One place said they are completely booked for the month of October. WTF?!? The entire month? Yeah, Okay. But I did find another small, family owned bakery with good prices. When we're there next month we'll do a tasting and see if they are "it". Otherwise we may roll with the WalMart wedding cake. Hey, WalMarket makes GOOD cakes! As does Sam's...

I bought Thank You cards the other day with a 50% coupon from Michael's and thus paid $5.00 for them. That made me happy. They match our invites too! I have 2 more 50% off coupons that expire Saturday. We aren't doing favors (I don't think) and we aren't doing programs. I have to figure out what other "bigger" item we can use it for. I was looking at guest books but they all look lame. I'm thinking I may pick up some rolls of tulle for decorating the columns and what not. Like here they have sheer something or another...

I'm sure I'll figure out something to save 50% off on...I'm not worried.

I keep losing my curser (sp?) and it's annoying. I'm going to bed now.


Posted on May 2, 2010 at 9:54 AM Comments comments (2)

Today is my one year (dating) anniversray with my husband to be! EEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I almost wrote a story here, but we're going to write 'our' story for the wedding web site, so I'll leave it for that.

This has been the most amazing year of my life. I had closed myself off for so many years, and never kew that you could love someone -- or be loved -- so completely.

And we're now 5 months away from our wedding date! 152 days! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Life as a fianc?e

Posted on April 9, 2010 at 10:20 AM Comments comments (1)

Ok, so the only difference is that I get to stare at my ring and call him my fiancé! :-) Many months ago, I would stare at him sometimes and say to myself "he's going to be my husband". The first time it happened was a little unnerving; I didn't really *think* about it, the thought just popped in my head while I was staring at his picture. We've been discussing marriage for quite awhile and our wedding for a bit too. And all I know for sure is fall (my favorite season) and outdoors (amongst the pretty leaves & scenery). So, I took off with planning because...some people reserve venues for MONTHS and in some cases a year, year and a half ahead of their date. What I'm finding is A) people are crazy as hell. I am NOT paying you 2, 5, 10 grand to rent your space! I am not paying you $30 or $40 per person for food. B) Wedding planning is not my thing. I get frustrated quickly and I keep going in circles. C) Somebody is going to get cussed out and/or get their feelings hurt. LOL!! I just want to MARRY HIM already! Oh, and I do want a pretty dress (but I'll be damned if I spend anything close to 4 digits on it!). Tomorrow, Shakese and I are hitting this bridal salon downtown with lunch after at Panera. Should be a blast! :-)

The Proposal

Posted on April 4, 2010 at 11:10 PM Comments comments (2)

Apparently, everyone in the English speaking world was in on the plan. Mama y Papa. My sister in law. Bek! LOL!! My brother, my uncle...I can't believe I'm surrounded by secret keepers! I cannot believe Bek kept a secret!!!!!!! Hooligan!

April 2, 2010 was our 11 month anniversary. We woke up, really as excited, as we are any other day, LOL! We wished each other a happy anniversary, and in retrospect, I realize that he was just so…intense that morning. But that’s my baby; he is SO loving. When he picked me up from the bus stop, I was DEAD tired. I wanted to go home and take a nap!

We’d talked about going to see Why Did I Get Married Too and I just figured we’d see a late show. But then he asked if I wanted to do dinner also. Well, DUH! So I decided on a place and then started getting a little excited again. LOL! We were supposed to leave at 5:45 for our dinner reservations and he asked if we could leave at 5:30. I was confused but said sure. Then, THEN I started noticing him acting WEIRD. He was very concerned with my timing on everything that I was doing!

I left out to go get my niece, but I ended up taking the other kids (Shakese, MJ, and Kese’s friend Selena) and dropping them off at the store on my way out. So, apparently he came out after I left, looking for the kids so they could formulate the plan. But the kids were GONE! HA!!! He was all frustrated. :-p

When I got back, I still had to flat iron my hair. And again with the weirdness! He was running back and forth. Upstairs to downstairs. And the last straw was when MJ called up to say he was going outside. Mike nearly knocked me down running after MJ. WHAT?!?! NO ONE runs after MJ! LOL!!!! Mike was clearing Shakese’s camera off and kept saying he needed MJ to let Kese know he had the camera; it made zero sense. But I was like...whatever. They were planning on going to the park, but they were still downstairs. And that didn’t make any sense. Then, I text Bekand said DUDE!!!!!!!! I think this is IT!

When I got downstairs, Kierra was sitting on the couch, with the video camera and looking all bug-eyed :) And they were all just sitting around. Mike said, “the kids have a surprise for you”. I was like, uhmmm, okay. And he said it again.  And then had me sit down at the dining room table. Shakese popped up and got the book. The book is an extremely wonderful account of our time together. Complete with pictures and all! I love it!!! So I was instructed to read aloud. Hmmmmm.  As I’m reading, and laughing, and being silly, I was “less” suspicious. BUT, when I got to the end of the book, there was a picture of the ring. And then….boy oh boy! :-D

Mike began reciting the speech that he’d prepared and on cue, MJ presented the ring box (it was really awesome).

And THEN, THEN, he got down on one knee (EEeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!) and said “Will you marry me?”.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think I said “YES!” about 3317 times! I needed to be sure that he knew the answer was YES!

It was amazing! He is amazing! And now, I’m just waiting forthe day that I can exchange vows with him and be husband & wife. (EEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)



Posted on March 24, 2010 at 7:22 PM Comments comments (2)

((I started this post yesterday at around 4 p.m. and right now, I'm really, really sleepy so I won't take full responsiblity for what follows. The beginning may be coherent but errr....the rest, maybe not so much))

I'm rarely inspired to post mid day. This post (which I forgot what I wanted to blog about) began a couple of days ago.

Someone posted on both these topics on Facebook, and as usual, I had something to say.

Who comes first, your mate or your children?

One of my very silly childhood friends posted an excellent response, which I was in complete agreement with! He listed the "pecking order" - God, your mate, your children. There were many responses of the "noone comes before my kids" variety. And both he and I tried to clarify that we're not insinuating that you mistreat your children. No one is saying that if there's one pork chop that your mate eats before your kid.

I would go so far as to say: God > Yourself > Your spouse > Your children

Now, I've switched mate with spouse because that's next level. We all know "ole girl" who treats every dude she meets as if he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. She neglects her children to make him happy. We're not talking about her.

You must have a relationship with God. You must make sure to nurture yourself; if you are not whole, happy, and healthy, you cannot give of yourself to another person. You must have a loving, positive relationship with your spouse. This enables you to maintain a loving, functional home and to be a model for your children.

If you're so worn out; Abused. Mistreated. Misguided. What sort of parent do you think you can be?? How far do you think you can push yourself before you break? Not a good look for you OR your children. Same as with a marriage. If you two cannot get along, you're arguing and fighting or (almost WORSE) you're not speaking at all; that is not setting a positive example for your children. Not to mention you're likely putting SO much negative energy out that again,  you're not being "good" parents.

A quote I read recently went something like "Always regard your spouse as a permanent resident in your home and your children as temporary." I like that - a lot. It was something I learned early on, even as a single mom. It's not meant for you to give your children *all of you*. It's your job to do the very best you can at raising them, loving them, and preparing them to be productive people. You do not want to be that one mom that has absolutely zero life/interest outside of their children that they can never. let. go. UGH!

Do you go through  your mate's stuff

Again, I think there are huge differences between boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife. I think that snooping is a terrible sign of immaturity and yes, I've done it before. I was around 21 years old, and the kids' father lived there (we did NOT live together! LOL!) In taking some clothes to the cleaners, found a paper in his suit jacket for a paternity hearing. So, that started me digging for information. Because I mean...if it  was a kid older or younger than Kese & M, I had no real argument, even if I thought it was kinda trifling. And yeah, I found out she was 7 months younger than Shakese...so smack dab in the middle of my kids. Bleh.

Anyway, there was a lot going back and forth about it and a lot of people were dead on about it being an issue of insecurity when you feel the *need* to snoop. Someone posted about "get a life and stop being nosey [sic]" (nosy was mispelled which really bothered me, but I digress). I posted that you can argue that it isn't really nosy when it's  your spouse. And several disagreed. One guy said that his phone is off limits. One, what the hell do you have to hide? Two, I thought that when you're married there's no more separation of mine and yours. I told him that he needs to be willing to trade in "me" for "we". And that it's not so much the need to look through phone/stuff/etc. -- you shouldn't need that. You should be able to communicate with your partner. But that type of mentality...that riding the line between single/married life is a suuper-mega FAIL.

I really should've finished this yesterday, because I am SO sleepy now.  I got up at 6:45 (which is early for me). Went in the lab for about 45 minutes, went to Calc class, went back in the lab for a couple of hours (upon which I ruined my two samples and had to start over from scratch. And Hau Nan looked at me all crazy because we're nearly out of BMI-BF4 and he wants to know how to access the $300 I 'came with' as part of my research position. Man....I don't know! Ask the professor!) After that, I went to work for a couple of hours at the Ad agency I've been working for. No one set up a payroll schedule for them. So ADP decided when their payroll will run and post. Sheesh. Now she's looking at me like, what? I am telling her I am getting the hell out of there and she needs to call ADP so they can walk her through a fix. Ugh. I'm tired of this gig but 1) it's extra cash and 2) I can't do the temp agency like that. I'm so golden with them that I get to just work whenever I want; I don't do interviews with clients anymore or anything...I'm always good to go. And this summer will not be a lazy one; I have to take my ass to work and earn some money! Plus the 'rents are getting the kids for a chunk of the summer - SCORE! Oh, after that, I came home and went to the kids' school to do copycats (basically, I make copies of whatever the teachers need copied). Then made dinner. Then did PChem homework. Then watched Project Runway, which totally pissed me OFF because Emilio sucks major ass and although my favorite 'gay' Anthony isn't the best of the best, he's better than Emilio AND more consistent. And they voted him off. Bastards. Then shower, acting silly with my bro & nephew, this blog, and then my b-e-d.


Tons of randomness

Posted on February 20, 2010 at 4:07 PM Comments comments (7)

First of all, I have about 5 or 6 drafts. I need to finish those things up...

Anyway, I haven't blogged in a few days, and so now my thoughts are jumbled. I'm gonna steal Beks way today.


My Baby

My sweetheart has moved in. At first I was nervously excited. For one, I had to tell Mama y Papa. Yes, I'm 30 yrs old, I'm an adult, I've got near grown ass kids. But this is what happens when you're Papa's girl. Its not approval I was seeking (see above); but it was acceptance. And since they are uber-supportive, they were good about it. I was nervous because its been just the 3 of us for so very long. I was nervous because I'm so accustomed to being in charge of everything. I was nervous because I don't HOW to relinquish control - or so I thought. ;-) So after we worked through those things, the excitement took over. And then, THEN, the real issues came up. I have to share closet space. I really tried to free up 1/2 of the closet. Errr, no go. But I tried! :) And today I'm going to clean out the bootleg drawer in the bathroom. Ok, really, it's no different from the other drawer...same dimensions, etc. However, It is closest to the wall/door and is just akward to get in/out of. I've been using it for makeup and stuff; things I don't use very often. He's a good sport about it though! :)


The Lab

So, Hau Nan is speaking to me again. I started a new experiment last Tuesday. The issue is, phase 1 takes about 3 hours, phase 2 maybe 15 minutes and then its left overnight. Phase 3 takes another 2 1/2 hours or so. And phase 4 is about 3 or 4 hours. I worked almost 14 hours this week; not cool man. Its too much. I'm supposed to be around 7~8. We're meeting with the professor on Monday. I need to find out points in the process where taking a break won't ruin things. Oh, my experiment failed. My samples were supposed to dissolve at around 120 C. I raised the temp to 135 C (which is 275 F) and a couple of them still weren't dissolved! There were huge chunks of polymer sitting in the vial. And, I kept picking the vials up to examine them. But, duh! They are at 275 degrees and they're glass!!! I kept burning my fingertips. Damn shame.


The kids

MJ is so very bright (they both are really). And he is quite a bit ahead of the class, especially in math. I think this makes him bore easily. He doesn't exactly act out, but he doesn't do what he needs to do. I give him a tiny bit of wiggle room here because I remember being in 5th & 6th grade and those damn kids were so behind, I'd finish my work & be bored.  I STAYED in trouble. Last trimester, he had the best report card ever. Their grading system is E, A, P, N - exceeding, achieving, partially achieving, not achieving. He'd gotten 2 (I think) P's. He has been determined to get all E's and A's. This week he got 100% on his spelling test, science test, and math assessment. And he was so very proud of himself. Report cards come home on the 26th, we'll see :)


Also, M is part of a group for "african-american" boys. --another post for another day, I don't do the "AA" term...we're black-- They all get together with a (black) guy who faciliates, the eduction coordinator for their school, and the counselor. It seems to be a good outlet for them, however he told me about a boy (Jewish) who likes to call the black boys 'niggers'.  When they've complained, the boy has been put in time out. That has been the extent of his discipline for this behavior. I'm going up to the school on Monday.



I've now completed my first exam for each class and I have a paper due Monday for my history class. I got an 82 on my OChem exam which is an A. I think I got at least a 90 on my Calc exam. It was super easy. 7 problems and I finished 6 of them in like...15 minutes. Then I spent a good 25 minutes on 1 problem.  I don't give a rats ass about an alligator population. There were 50 alligators. The population of alligators satisfies the differential equation y' = 0.0001 x^2 (that's x squared) - .01x. How many alligators after 4 months?  Yeah, so I calculated 51. The answer was 49. Bastards. I don't think I'll lose the whole 15 points though. Bleh. And I did horribly on my PChem exam. Ugh. I hope I squeak out at least a 65.


This week is going to be a bit rough for me, but I'm so looking forward to the weekend!


Will he be my Valentine?

Posted on February 13, 2010 at 5:38 PM Comments comments (4)

I know V-day isn't until tomorrow, but we've got a date...TONIGHT!!! And I'm so excited! I'm not really a big "holiday" person and can't understand all the fuss. But this is the first with my sweetheart and I am overly excited. We're both home-bodies, but it's nice to get out every once in awhile and have grown up fun (hey, not that kind) sans kids. Especially since MJ is an attention hog and cannot allow us to have a conversation without interjecting himself in the middle, literally and figuratively. 

So a couple weeks or so ago, I was riding the bus home and saw a very pretty restaurant on the corner of 11th & Nicollet. I was on the phone with my sweetheart and said "Wow, that's a pretty restaurant". He told me to look into what kind of place it was and maybe we could go. I looked it up and what do you know.......it's MEXICAN!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! That is my favorite! Mexicans, those are my peoples! So, my baby made reservations for us for tonight.

I have freshly waxed eyebrows (:D). I got up today and started doing my hair (he likes it pinned up so I didn't finish it all the way, I'll do the rest tonight). I'm wearing the super-duper cute & fitted sweater dress he bought me for Christmas, and my sky high brown leather boots.

I got a feeling....woooohoooo...that tonight's gonna be a good night!

Uber beast mode

Posted on February 12, 2010 at 5:17 PM Comments comments (6)

I had my first exam of the semester on Monday. There were 7 problems and I was s-t-u-c-k on #6. I was looking at that question and thinking to myself: "Self. Why would anyone expect you to know this?" Well, with 7 minutes to go, I looked over the entire exam again and when I left out I thought "I got an 85 on that test which should be good for a B+/A-". On Wednesday, I checked the site and saw that I had an 82 and I felt pretty darn good. Today I found out that the average on the exam was a 67 and with the curve, the A cutoff was a 78. So my 82 is a solid A. I like it!

I have two exams on Wednesday, 2/17 for P-Chem and Calc. Its hard to say for the other chem class because we don't really do anything. He runs around all crazy like for 50 minutes (more like 55 because he ALWAYS goes over time). I do my homework but it's like...whatever. His past exam looks like a reincarnation of homework problems. I don't particularly care for that style of 'teaching' but, hey, it's okay. P-Chem aka Physical Chemistry aka Thermodynamics is a combination of Physics and Chemistry so it's mostly review - technically. LOL!

I think the fact that my scale got broken (thanks MJ - I know it was the boy...) coupled with the fact that M-F is all about comfort (i.e., I hardly wear "real" clothes) and I had no clue how much weight I'd gained. Well, a few weeks ago, I bought a new scale.  And when I got on it, that damn thing displayed something along the lines of 170.2 or something ridiculous. Y-I-K-E-S! So that first week I was "aware" and then at the end of that week and ever since, the damn thing has read 166.8. 166.8. 166.8. I mean, seriously! Helllloooooooo in there little mr. mean scale man!!! Today it said 165.1. Ok. Fine. I need to pull it together. I'm working on it.

I got my eyebrows done! My baby took me to get them done by Bronya! WOOOOHOOO!!!! Ok, so he probably didn't want to hear me go into yet another whining fit about how some woman jacked my eyebrows up and how horrible it's going to be waiting til they can get fixed. She had to overcome the BS that Heidi did to me and they aren't "perfect" like she'd normally make them...but they  look pretty damn good. :lol:

We have a date tomorrow!!!!! I'm super excited! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!