Rantings of a Single Mom

The joys, fears and most importantly - Rants of a single mother!

My rantings

Posting everyday is near impossible

Posted on September 14, 2010 at 11:51 PM Comments comments (2)

My dress is friggin amazing and it's beautiful and I love it and it makes me very happy and bright and glowy and I can't wait to put it on with my veil and shoes and walk down the aisle and marry my sweetheart.


Random movie quotes that keep popping in my head:


"What Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro?" 40 Year Old Virgin


"Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina..." Mean Girls


"Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for Herpes. That shit'll come back with you." The Hangover


I'm going to bed now...

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through"

Posted on August 30, 2010 at 5:37 PM Comments comments (1)

- Malcolm Forbes


Today was a day for simply surviving. Shakese's bus comes at 7:24 a.m. I set my alarm for 6:30. I jump up, it's 7:22. I don't see Shakese or MJ in the house. By the time I get my bearings, and decide to drive up to the bus stop, MJ is walking up to the front door. WTH? He walked Shakese to the bus stop.


Day starts off with me majorly depressed. I missed the first day. I missed her getting ready. I missed pep talks. I missed making sure she knew her lunch code and bus number. I missed making sure she had her schedule ready. I take the schedule (which was actually copy #2) and a note I'd written. I planned on dropping it in her locker. However...Principal Schmidt wasn't having it. She was pulling the paper out of my hand before I finished my sentence. But *I* wanted to take the schedule to her :(. Ok, so they want to stop overzealous parents from babying the kids maybe? Whatev, I was annoyed. Then MJ went to school way early. I went back to give him his afternoon bus number. 


Then I had to go down to dealing with the folks at the county today. UGH! I hate going down there. Really really hate it. Got home, did my hair, really felt like taking a pair of scissors to it. I'm so over it. Bleh. 


Every year, I bake cupcakes for first day of school. Today I decided to only make a dozen so that I wouldn't want to eat the cupcakes. I didn't have any milk other than skim (which is NOT good for baking) and I only had a few muffin cups. So after Mike and I ran a few errands, I came in to bake the cupcakes. Well...I was becoming agitated and sad some more because it was like 2:30 when I got them in the oven and Shakese's bus was scheduled to get here at 2:56. They wouldn't be ready :(


Sooooo, 2:56 comes and goes. Hmmm. Ok, it is the first day...Then....THEN, the boy who lives across the street comes cutting through the back. 2 minutes later I think, "ok, WHERE is Shakese". 5 minutes later I go ring his bell -- Shakese wasn't on the bus. Huh?


I call the school, they page her, and oh well...she hasn't answered. Huh?


I call Selena, she saw Shakese after school but doesn't know where she is. Huh?


I call Claire, who also rides the bus. Shakese wasn't on the bus. Huh?


I call Erin, "Did you see Shakese today?" She says, "Yes, at lunch, but not since then." Huh?


I call the school back the lady assures me she probably went to a friend's house. Huh?

No the hell she didn't.


I go up to the school. They don't know what to tell me. Huh?


I call a mom I know who has a daughter at the junior high also and whose younger kids are in MJ's class. Andrayah hasn't seen Shakese either. Huh?


The office calls the bus company to try to find out if any kids got on the wrong bus. They only showed 1 from Meadowbrook. She can't get through to dispatch. Huh?


She says...you can call Minnetonka PD.


WHAT THE F_CK!?!?


Now, I'm freaking out. I'm crying. I'm losing my effing mind. 


I call Mike and ask him to come back because I'm losing it. 


I pick up the phone and get through to dispatch right away. Shakese was on the wrong bus. The bus driver has to complete his route and then he can bring her home. 


I'm exhausted. My brain is fried. I think tonight will be an early one for me.

Spontaneous Combustion

Posted on August 9, 2010 at 10:09 PM Comments comments (1)

Don't ask...ok...from the first time I learned the term & what it meant, I was fascinated. 


Anyway, I've spontaneously cried like 7 times. I hate estrogen. Eve is a witch. There's no good reason for a somewhat reasonable woman to become a retarded mound of mangled emotions nearly EVERY 28 days. Stupid as hell.


********************


I've come up with several fun (at least to me), cute (at least to me), ideas for the wedding. And most for the cost of paper & ink. Ok, so ink isn't cheap, but still. When I started the wedding planning, it was a shock to find out the prices people pay for things. So then it came to be all about the craftiness of it all. Its not "oh, I *have* to do that" its "oh, that's going to be FUN to make!" :) I love being creative and it's one of the things that has been severely stifled since I've been a mom. Hey, I'm not blaming the kids, just that what you WANT to do and what you NEED to do really don't add up MOST of the time (which is probably true of adulthood period)...


And I like having fun! I don't have a stuffy bone in my body & there's no way I could pull of a formal wedding ;-) I'm excited!


*******************


I've been meaning to blog about all the celebs that I dislike. Leading the list, through no fault of her own, is Zoe Saldana. I liked her when she first debuted. I don't think she's a bad actress (though she's starting to become Jen Aniston). But I'm so annoyed that she's the IT "black actress". Her ass isn't black! I love my latino/a peoples but maaaaan. She's gotten a ton of roles cast for a black woman. May we please put a black woman in SOME of these roles?!??

Jen Aniston? Please. Stop. If I see one more whiny-ass date movie starring her, I'm going to slit my wrists. Gabrielle Union - ugh.

Jennifer Love Hewitt has a big ass forhead and is generally irritating.

Tom Cruise dude, you're a leprechaun.

Ben Affleck, I will jump off a bridge before I watch a movie with him in it.

I know there are many more but that's it...for now...

My adventures in wedding planning

Posted on July 19, 2010 at 5:46 PM Comments comments (5)

Today I came up with a big ass list of things that need to be completed by October 2nd. In my head there were like 12 things; on paper there are like 72 things. And even though my handsome fiancé enjoys making biiiiig fun of me, I really need to knock some of this stuff off the list. A lot is weighed towards the end. A lot depends on how many people are there and who those people are. Other things are less vital but can be done and put away, so why not take care of them?? Plus, I'll be less free come September 7th. I have to find a way to stay focused on everything. My class schedule is pretty tight this fall & I can't afford to screw up. I'm on probation from Spring. My plan worked 1/2 as well as I wanted. I got 2 B's but I bombed the other two classes. There's NO room for that. My financial aid package sucks ass & I'll probably be on the hook for some tuition this year :( I need to get some scholarships man!


So anyway, back to wedding planning. Flowers. I've looked at tons of silks and none really make me happy. Except this hydrangeas I bought for decorating the head table. They're really pretty & don't look fake, especially in a vase. But otherwise its going to be real flowers for the bouquet, bouttonnieres (sp?), corsages, etc. I am HOPING that farmers market is still happening around that time in Asheville (I need to make some calls). Plan B calls for a Sam's or Costco membership. One of them has a nice array of white flowers for like $90. I don't really want to spend $90 but I mean...we'll see. And, I've heard that Super Wal-Mart has a nice floral section as well. I've practiced making bouttonneires (I swear that's wrong AND I don't know how to say it...) twice using silks and I think I'm good enough to do them myself. I'll practice corsages for the girls as well. Maybe make a pretty flower pin they can wear in their hair...but I'd better not go too overboard on the girly with Kese. Makayla will suck it up. Flowers. Tiaras. Sparkly. She'd love it ALL :)



Foolishness...

a messageboard I stalk - I mean follow - has great tips and ideas and how-to's. But there's also rampant foolishness. Like the woman who said their stationery costs $2K total. Excuse me, but, TWO mother-effin THOUSAND US DOLLARS on paper?!?? WTF? I sure hope they're having 2000 guests or something...


Hmmm, and then there's the lady that is doubting if this guy is a good photog because he *only* charges $500 for wedding coverage. Assholes and their belief that higher cost = higher value...screwing everything up.


Oh, another good one, a lady posted concerned that their venue isn't going to look expensive enough. She wants people to lament that the venue *looks* expensive. Oh, after she got blasted she changed it to "it costs a lot and they just want their moneys worth" but we know the truth... And a clincher, the bride who's afraid that her overweight sis-in-law, who is a bridesmaid, is going to "mess up" her pictures. I wanted to find her and stick a pencil in her eye... Yeah. The Groom thinks I'm going to have a bridezilla moment at some point. I doubt it. But, until then we'll have fun with the teasing :)

Loo-hoo-zerrrr

Posted on June 6, 2010 at 12:01 AM Comments comments (7)

I can't begin to recap anything since I last blogged. Although I have a blog to post about my expanded family, not tonight. Its almost past my bedtime which means deliriousness is coming - soon.


I've killed my hair; I have to get a haircut. I've killed my hair about 713 times in the almost 20 years that I've been messing with it. And luckily, it always grows back. I started this challenge of growing it out (all personal, all a challenge against myself). I, like the average black woman, had been conditioned to believe that you *need* a relaxer every 4-6 weeks when 1) my hair is very fine and really doesn't get too "nappy" except for this patch in the center...that's my soul patch...it gets THICK up in there. 2) my hair actually grows quite slowly and I can easily (without mattiness) go a good 10-12 weeks without needing a touch-up. So, I falsely believed, for many years, that my hair "couldn't" grow. Well, I realized that's ridiculous. Unless you have some medical issue, your hair grows. It's what you do to it once it sprouts that determines if you KEEP it on your head. So, I went with all wet sets and only occasional blow drys. If I wanted to wear it straight I only flat ironed it that first day. The rest of the days I had to make do. Since my hair is fine, it gets greasy quickly and I have to shampoo it every few days. I was on my 4 day schedule for washing and my hair was full and shiny and I loved it. Well, I got lazy and started to let longer amounts of times pass before I shampooed...I was flat ironing in between washes...and I wasn't getting any trims at all. I got a few inches lobbed off and was hoping all was well. BUT, I got lazy again and for a good two months, I was washing, blow drying, and flat ironing once a week. And *poof* my hair is wrecked. The soul patch? Total breakage. Partially due to going so long without a relaxer and then all the manipulation on the dry(er) hair and yuck. My bangs are like 2 inches shorter and not due to any trims :(


I need to let a lot of it go. That doesn't really bother me...its only hair. But I hate to have to "do" my hair and love that I can put it up and away all the time. That's going to stop for awhile (sadface). I love, love, love this haircut. Mike couldn't get past the white/blonde to just looking at the hair. The hair itself is cool. It's a lot of length gone but not resulting in a *short* haircut (as most black women define short).



Foolishness? I got a B in Organic Chem which is awesome. I got a B- in Calc 3 which pissed me off but is still pretty awesome. I had such huge focus on those two and PChem was a b*tch...I got a D. D! Yep. I have to retake it. But not this semester coming up. I have no energy for it. If only I coulda got a C-. Oh, and I failed history. WHO fails history?!? But, the prof claims he never got my 2nd paper. The class had 2 papers and a final. I unwisely assumed that the final carried more weight but no! Each paper was worth 1/3 of the grade. I skipped the first one being lazy and then he said I only got a C+ on the final. I'm a loser. When he's back in July we'll talk about paper 2. I don't give a damn if he gives me a D...as long as I don't fail. For libed courses, a D is satisfactory. For courses in my major I need to earn at least a C-. AARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


My dress will be here next week. I'm uber excited donchaknow. I think I weigh about the same as I did when I decided on it. But I was getting my eyebrows done today :-D



I totally took this picture immediately after typing the sentence and emailed it to myself to upload. I am a bonafied nerd.


Anyways...as I was going in I saw this really cool strapless bra/shaper thing and decided to try it on when I was done. I don't like shaping garments. I always feel LUMPIER (more lumpy?) with a shaping garment on. At first I was thinking...how would I know? But I had on a pretty fitted shirt and figured I'd just try it on under that. Makes sense; right? Well, after nearly breaking my arm to do the snaps and being utterly disgusted by the lumpy figure staring back at me in the mirror, I think it does make a slight difference and creates more of a waistline. But I don't know if it's worth 48 of my hard earned dollars. Hmmmm...


BEFORE:



AFTER:




Soo. Uhmm, yeah. It depends on a) if I look lumpy in my dress b) if by the time I take it in for alterations I'm *still* lumpy.


I was going to watch Single White Female tonight but I'm kinda sleepy and I'll just watch Juno.


Bleh

Posted on May 25, 2010 at 1:36 AM Comments comments (1)

The high today was 96. What the hell for? It was so hot. I hate hot. I posted on FB that my ideal weather would be any range from 45 - 75. Maybe 80 if it isn't humid as hell. But I don't like 95 degree weather. There's no good reason for it to be so effin hot. I was sweaty and annoyed. And then Shakese had a softball game today...so we say out in the blazing sun for 90 minutes hot as hell.


I feel kinda sick. Yesterday I had this weird pain in my chest. Well, not like pain, pain. But like a weird ache. And now I'm dizzy, but maybe I'm just sleepy. I shouldn't be awake at 12:41 a.m. I should be asleep. Tomorrow I have to finish my reaction I'm working on. I was all set to leave the lab today by 3 to beat the kids home. Well, when I ran my sample through the rotator/extractor some weird shit happened man. It was all clumpy; it shouldn't be clumpy. We think it's due to all the moisture in the air. At any rate, I asked his ass if we should run it through a filter.  I knew that would not remove all of the NaBr but it would've gotten rid of the bulk of it. So, he had me filtering through this tiny ass 0.45 micrometer filter and that shit took over an hour to get through half of it. So when he sees it's taking forever, he suggests filtering, which removed a boatload of NaBr. I wanted to karate chop him. Long story short I did not leave the lab until after 5. Which meant it was rush hour. I Do.Not.Do.Traffic. I have serious road rage. I get really irritated. Plus the car is all iffy...something funky is going on with the cooling system overall, and the air probably needs servicing before it works. So it was hot as hell. I had to come in and take a shower before we went to the game only to sweat like crazy anyway.


Plus, I stayed up til almost 10 doing Shakese's hair last night. She had bangs and a ponytail. Yeah. Not after 96 degrees plus who-knows-what-the-hell humidity. She came back with an afro puff -- angry thoughts.


I'm sleepy :-/


130 days!!!!

Priorities

Posted on May 4, 2010 at 8:37 AM Comments comments (2)

I guess I should get my priorities straight...I had a "bad dream". We went to family swim before the kids' swimming lessons on Sunday and last night...I had a dream that I was going swimming and when I looked down in the water, my legs were super extra hairy. Like, hairs that were like 6 inches long! It freaked me out and made me sad.


Of all the things to have issues over...mine was hairy legs. Which is wierd because I'm a hairy monster. I spend at least 47 hours a month removing unwanted hair. Maybe that'll be my first lab discovery after I'm a chemist. I'll come up with something that works as good as waxing that doesn't involve dumbass hot wax and muslin strips.


I am a procrastinator. I need an effin 12 step! I've known, since about Jan 22nd, when all of my final exams were. I know I need to study. I put it off. I find all sorts of things to do. And then I get crazy stressed and start uber beast mode.  I'm sleepy. But I smell the yummy deliciousness of Cameron's Vanilla Hazelnut calling me. Mmmmmmmm.


Today I find out how I did on calc exam 3. I'm a retard. EVERY science (including math) course I've taken, midterm exams were counted best 2 out of 3 or...something like, have all 3 exams count with a lower percentage weighted on the final...I just KNEW one of my calc exams were dropped and previous scores were 99 and 90 so when I got behind on work (wedding planning. Shhhh, don't tell Mike), I wasn't tripping TOO hard. Well, I didn't suck royally, but I did find out that there are NO dropped exams for this class. Bastard. And I asked him yesterday (via email) for blank copies of our midterms to use a study aid. I like to study the material, then do some problems, then 'take' the exam to test myself. He says "Don't you have the midterms that were handed back?" Well, yes, asshole! But they uhhmmm, have WRITING all over them!?


O-Chem sucks the big one. My average right now is 70 which isn't bad, probably a B- ...an 80 is an A. But, to get an actual A in the course I'd have to kill on the final. Like 90% kill. Errr. Negative. So...I'm shooting at maintaining my B. Which means I'd pretty much have to get 70% or greater on the final. Bleh.


I have no wedding plans to report on. I just have to include it in my categories. :)

Annoyed

Posted on May 1, 2010 at 11:02 PM Comments comments (4)

I admit to my tendencies to be judgmental. I know that I can be harsh and critical at times. I admit that I'm not the most forgiving person. I've tried very hard to get better at giving the benefit of the doubt; and to check myself when I start going all judgmental...


But...shit like this is when I bump head with my sister. She called early and ask where Kese was. Kese had stayed over at her Big's house and would be home around noon. She asked me to bring her over so that Kese could help with the garage sale. Fine. We get there and my sister wasn't home (and there are 3 additional kids there). But my niece said she had left to go make signs and "mom said she's on her way back". This is around 2:00. Shakese calls me a little after 8 and says she's ready to come home. I get there at around 9 and the kids are alone. She never came back to the house. That's at least 7 hours and probably pushing 10 hours if you add the time before I got there and after I left.


That drives me up the fucking wall. And is the reason that my kids couldn't go over there without me for a long time. DO NOT ASK FOR MY KIDS TO COME OVER IF YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE THEM ALL IN THE HOUSE ALONE. A run here and there is fine. A couple of hours are fine. Ki is 16. But all damn day is unacceptable. And they don't have any food. So now it's 9 something and my kid is hungry plus 6 more kids. I can't leave 6 kids in the house hungry. So I go and get them something to eat and take it back...still not there.


Just some stupid ass shit...


Blah, blah, blah

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 12:07 AM Comments comments (2)

I had something to blog about, it was good too.


But:


1) When I tried to close the bedroom blinds, I completely fell into them.

2) When I tried to explain to Mike about my socks on the floor, it came out in a jumble of incoherence.

3) I had to retype 'blog' multiple times because I kept typing random stuff.


So, I'm going to bed now and will blog tomorrow (before bedtime) about something good.



Why am I sleepy at 9:19 p.m.

Posted on March 27, 2010 at 10:19 PM Comments comments (1)

I am sleepy. It's only 9 p.m. and on top of that, I took an almost 3-hour nap today.


It's that time...right after spring break, it gets hectic. O-Chem and PChem are kicking my BEHIND. I'm doing really well in Calc and will probably get an A/A- in that class. Although right now, I'm not too sure on how to solve nonhomogenous equations with undetermined coefficients. Blah.


Right now I'm watching Get Rich or Die Trying. I actually liked this movie, and liked 50-Cent's acting in it. I like 50-Cent, he seems ultra laid back and straight forward...but I think his music sucks. The first album was decent these last albums, blah.


I ate a whole bunch of random stuff today. I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm going to get back on track tomorrow. I'm going to do some pilates and some weights tomorrow.


A week or so ago, I got on the scale and it said 169.7. I did not like that number. It made me irritated. I'd forgotten that I don't do well with weight loss on dieting alone (and by dieting I don't mean weird restrictions, I mean, altering your diet to a healthy one). I *have* to exercise. And I always see really good, fast results when I workout consistently. On Friday, I weighed 167.2. I'm going to aim for the 1-2 lbs a week deal. So I'm giving myself until June to get back to 153 ~ 155.


I should be featured in the May issue of Good Housekeeping. I'd sent plenty of before & after pics but the editor thought they'd want to come out and take pics. I'm glad they aren't! LOL! I do NOT weigh the 145 that I did in my initial after pics. Bleh. Although, I know that 145 isn't realistic for me right now. It requires some serious time devoted to exercise and I just don't have that time right now. I was like a protein junky, working out 6 days a week, type person trying to maintain that under 145 weight. Too. Much. Work.  -- Not interested.


I'm hungry, but I'm not. Maybe I'm really thirsty?? Gonna figure it out and then watch Baby Boy. That's my MOVIE! :-)