Rantings of a Single Mom

The joys, fears and most importantly - Rants of a single mother!

My rantings

I am very sleepy

Posted on September 14, 2010 at 12:08 AM Comments comments (2)

Today I had class until 4:30. Got to the park & ride at a little after 5. Mike and the kids picked me up after attending Shakese's parent meeting for tennis. We headed to Wayzata for MJ's game. They lost terribly - first time they've been shut out in the 3 years they've played. Wayzata's players are all on steroids and MJ made a helluva block early on; but he got hurt and checked out. He missed some really good tackles and got scored on twice because of it. Then home to do homework.

Tomorrow I have class until 2:15 and then Shakese has a tennis match at 3:15 and then MJ has football practice at 6 and then I have to be in Woodbury (40 minutes away) for my dress fitting at 7:30. 

Did I mention that I am sleepy?

And, I hate my calc prof. He doesn't lecture about anything. He's so random. But, there are only 2 lectures this semester and I can't take the other one because of my Bio lab. And I hate bio. I thought talking about sex would make it palatable (LOL!) but it doesn't. It's still biology and biology is stupid. Well, not all of it, but most of it. Well, some of it.

"Some days are for living. Others are for getting through"

Posted on August 30, 2010 at 5:37 PM Comments comments (1)

- Malcolm Forbes

Today was a day for simply surviving. Shakese's bus comes at 7:24 a.m. I set my alarm for 6:30. I jump up, it's 7:22. I don't see Shakese or MJ in the house. By the time I get my bearings, and decide to drive up to the bus stop, MJ is walking up to the front door. WTH? He walked Shakese to the bus stop.

Day starts off with me majorly depressed. I missed the first day. I missed her getting ready. I missed pep talks. I missed making sure she knew her lunch code and bus number. I missed making sure she had her schedule ready. I take the schedule (which was actually copy #2) and a note I'd written. I planned on dropping it in her locker. However...Principal Schmidt wasn't having it. She was pulling the paper out of my hand before I finished my sentence. But *I* wanted to take the schedule to her :(. Ok, so they want to stop overzealous parents from babying the kids maybe? Whatev, I was annoyed. Then MJ went to school way early. I went back to give him his afternoon bus number. 

Then I had to go down to dealing with the folks at the county today. UGH! I hate going down there. Really really hate it. Got home, did my hair, really felt like taking a pair of scissors to it. I'm so over it. Bleh. 

Every year, I bake cupcakes for first day of school. Today I decided to only make a dozen so that I wouldn't want to eat the cupcakes. I didn't have any milk other than skim (which is NOT good for baking) and I only had a few muffin cups. So after Mike and I ran a few errands, I came in to bake the cupcakes. Well...I was becoming agitated and sad some more because it was like 2:30 when I got them in the oven and Shakese's bus was scheduled to get here at 2:56. They wouldn't be ready :(

Sooooo, 2:56 comes and goes. Hmmm. Ok, it is the first day...Then....THEN, the boy who lives across the street comes cutting through the back. 2 minutes later I think, "ok, WHERE is Shakese". 5 minutes later I go ring his bell -- Shakese wasn't on the bus. Huh?

I call the school, they page her, and oh well...she hasn't answered. Huh?

I call Selena, she saw Shakese after school but doesn't know where she is. Huh?

I call Claire, who also rides the bus. Shakese wasn't on the bus. Huh?

I call Erin, "Did you see Shakese today?" She says, "Yes, at lunch, but not since then." Huh?

I call the school back the lady assures me she probably went to a friend's house. Huh?

No the hell she didn't.

I go up to the school. They don't know what to tell me. Huh?

I call a mom I know who has a daughter at the junior high also and whose younger kids are in MJ's class. Andrayah hasn't seen Shakese either. Huh?

The office calls the bus company to try to find out if any kids got on the wrong bus. They only showed 1 from Meadowbrook. She can't get through to dispatch. Huh?

She says...you can call Minnetonka PD.


Now, I'm freaking out. I'm crying. I'm losing my effing mind. 

I call Mike and ask him to come back because I'm losing it. 

I pick up the phone and get through to dispatch right away. Shakese was on the wrong bus. The bus driver has to complete his route and then he can bring her home. 

I'm exhausted. My brain is fried. I think tonight will be an early one for me.

Growing up is hard to do

Posted on August 19, 2010 at 10:48 AM Comments comments (0)

So, everyone in the free world is probably acutely aware of the fact that Shakese begins junior high this fall. Yes, theoretically, I knew this day would come. But...

I remember going to Curtis elem. and having them talk to my parents about how "bright" I was. I remember them oohing and ahhing over my Iowa test scores (hahaha! remember the Iowa tests?!?). I remember starting junior high. I remember the awkwardness of it all. Being the little fish in the big pond. Being majorly exposed to girls and their evil, catty ways (why, WHY?!?!? and WHERE?!?!? do girls learn this behavior?!). 

So, apparently, to begin 7th grade you need a tetanus booster. They kept saying chickenpox too but I am always on top of doctor/dentist appts for us and couldn't believe she wasn't up to date. Well, she was, I just hadn't updated the school (SO?!). Because she's also, err, officially 'in transition' to womanhood (this saves the almost-dad any stress; I think), they wanted to check iron levels too. Cue the finger poke. O.M.G. I was cringing. I hate shots. I hate needles with a burning passion. And, the chick didn't even coax her into it! I don't know if it's because Shakese was bigger than she was or what, but she just grabbed her damn finger and BAM! Shakese looked like she'd gotten shot! Poor baby. And I know that the tetanus shots hurt like a mofo too so I held her hand and tried to get her to stop looking at the lady; but still she cried. And once again, she was like 8 months old. She really is just a baby. Never mind that she's 65 1/2 inches tall (WTF?). 

Oh wait, she is in the 97th percentile for height and the 50th for weight. And get this........the 25th for BMI! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

I picked up her school schedule (SCHEDULE!). They have this retarded set up of A/B days. And it rotates each week. So one week M, W, F are 'A' days and the next week M, W, F are 'B' days. Foolishness. This first quarter she has:

1st period: French (A); Pre-algebra (B)


2nd period: English (A); Social Studies (B)

3rd period: Study (A); Cadet band (B)

4th period: Family & Consumer Science (A); Science (B)

Yesterday she had WEB (we all belong) day where she got hooked up with a 9th grade buddy who showed her around. She was able to meet the kids that will be in Homebase with her (she knows like half of them).  

Soon, the day will come when I'll be dropping her off to college; It's not too far off...


We mailed out like 60 invites for a total of about 150 people. After having to explain to several people that their "1" means just them; not an additional guest. And that no, they can't invite Cousin Fill-in-the-Blank. And that no, we don't know who else is driving...My cousin invited his mother (related to my father via marriage and who I have NO relationship with); but I decided not to fuss because their 2 oldest kids will be away at college so we're still -1 for their family. My aunt invited her daughter and 3 grandkids which I haven't said anything yet because that came through the grapevine; I will be calling her tonight. My uncle sent back a blank reply card but wrote his phone number on it. :-) And a friend who is getting married in September (!) didn't reply yet chided me yesterday about not returning my card yet to their wedding (!). Their rsvp date is like Sept 1. I was purposely holding it to see if they would rsvp on time for mine! That's wrong, I know :-O


We have 63 confirmed guests (+ our family of 6). This makes me pretty happy. There are maybe 8-10 that are almost certain to be "yes's". We wanted under 75 and I was secretly hoping for closer to 50-55. We've contacted some people twice with not response either way, so we added to them to the not attending list. We still plan on sending our "Sorry you can't make it!" email next week. We have to place our food order by September 1st dammit!

Shakese was sooooo excited to see all of the random craft related tools I've acquired this summer. We have one project done and a couple more underway. Plus she's all about folding the cootie catchers :)

Bridal extravanganzaaaaa was this past weekend and it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have good people. Some people have no people, or sucky people. And I, *ME*, I have amazing people!!!!!

EEEEK! It's August!

Posted on August 6, 2010 at 7:39 PM Comments comments (2)

Sooooo, my summer program is almost done. This bittersweet.

1) I'm lazy now. I haven't worked a 40 hour week in over 2 years.

2) It's been a really positive experience overall.

Today I had my exit meeting with the program director. After talking and him (again) mentioning how BIG of a deal it was the way Tim talks about me, I mentioned that I'd applied for the REU program at U of I a couple of years ago but didn't make it in because of a lack of research experience. Well, he informed me that he has a relationship with the head of every MRSEC program in the country and told me to let him know where I want to go next summer.

REU (Research Experience for Undergraduates) - program at almost every institution involved in some kind of research; not science specific.

MRSEC (Materials Research, Science, & Engineering Centers) - Science specific and housed within about 30 colleges or so across the nation, including MIT, Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Cornell, Columbia... YOWZERS!!!

"Come and see me and let me know where you want to go". Connections. That's what it's about and I'm forming them left and right.

Then I met with Tim to present. He only had minor changes he wanted me to make and enthusiastically informed me that the group would attend my presentation on Tuesday. Yay me! LOL! :)

Shakese's school keeps sending stuff here and emailing me and stuff reminding me that 1) she's totally going to Jr High and 2) I'm going to be spending a lot of cash. I miss those hooligan kids! The longest I've been away from them before this summer was 2 weeks. It has definitely been an experience. For them because for a chunk of the summer there were 10 kids in the house including them. Stress cases. For me because as much as I try to maintain "Kisha", so much of my identity is wrapped up them. It's crazy. But they'll be home next week and ready to start school in 2 weeks. Which gives me a week of freeeeedom! Oh, and Kese gets out of school like an hour sooner than MJ. WTH? Sheesh.

I am preparing to go into uber beast mode this semester. I have to. With a better gpa, and all my summer research, and glowing letters of recommendation; I should be a shoe-in for someone's program!

The ladies were in town and we had the most awesomest 2 days ever!

We have all sorts of stuff that now require a wedding. We have to have a wedding!!! We have to I say! We are still very much within the original budget. We have like 35 confirmed guests (of like 145 or so), and I'm so excited to be able to harass people a) at the bridal shower and b) on August 16th.

DUDE!?!?!!!!!!! Are you friggin coming or not?!?!??????

The Lies People Tell!

Posted on June 7, 2010 at 11:24 PM Comments comments (1)

People will LIE to you and tell you (especially when you're kids are 3 months apart) that it gets "easier" when they get older. Pish posh!

Crockpot Monday's don't usually prevail during the summer but with me *GASP* working full time, uhmm, yeah. So, yesterday I made sausage calzones and on a whim made tacos too. All of it was gone. I called myself making "extras" so they could have lunch today...yeah right. I also seasoned a big ass man roast. My lovely (greedy) daughter cut up the potatoes for me this afternoon and put them in the crockpot before I got home. When I got in I added the carrots.

I don't know...maybe we shouldn't have eaten immediately after we got back from our bike ride but they ate the ENTIRE DAMN ROAST! I've NEVER seen a big ass  pot roast eaten in one sitting! I didn't even eat any! I had leftover turkey burgers (just the meat, no bread), with potatoes and carrots. There was nothing left. They found every bit of carrot and potato and every scrap of meat. Friggin kids.


Work today was awesome! There are about 20 research participants from schools all over...FAMU, Grambling, UT-Pan Am, Random WI schools, a couple of Community & Technical colleges here...Chemistry, Biochemistry, ChemEng, Mechanical Engineering, Biology, Physics, etc...Pretty cool stuff.

So, the people from 'away' get on campus housing and $1000 in travel reimbursement. They get a University meal plan and then...he said they get $315 in FlexDine! FlexDine is the U of M's little student ID card dining package thing...You put money on it and you can use it at campus restaurants. So I said to myself, I said "Self"...you should get FlexDine too! And I sent him an email and BAM! $315 for food! Woohooooo!!!!! Then he said if I run out before the end he can probably get me more money. WOOOOHOOOO!!!! Also, considering they get travel expenses reimbursed, I'm going to see if I can get the $97 for my summer bus pass reimbursed...I mean, why not?

I found out we're getting our first stipend payment this Friday! WOOOHOOO! After that, I went right into the lab and began working again. LOL! Hau Nan does not seem to understand that my 40 hour commitment does NOT equate to 40 hours in the lab. We have a 4 hour seminar/workshop slotted for almost every Wednesday. We have a 2 hour group meeting every Friday. We have writing workshops, Ethics training, Safety training, Public Speaking courses...all sorts of stuff. Dude, EVERYTHING all together will total 40 hours. Okay? No? Too damn bad!



No new news to report. Bek is going to try on Bridesmaid dresses on Thursday. I have to get Mike & the boys to go get fitted before we (hurriedly) drop all the kids off next weekend. Uhmm...Oh, again with me not following up with these two ministers. I am a loser. I really want to ask my aunt if she's ordained to perform weddings (I think she is) and if she wants to *just* be a guest or if she would like to perform the ceremony...but I know she recently got laid off and I'm not even sure they can attend. I wanted to ask her in person but I just haven't been able to find a good weekend to get down there :-/  I'm on it this week. I think.

Tons of randomness

Posted on February 20, 2010 at 4:07 PM Comments comments (7)

First of all, I have about 5 or 6 drafts. I need to finish those things up...

Anyway, I haven't blogged in a few days, and so now my thoughts are jumbled. I'm gonna steal Beks way today.


My Baby

My sweetheart has moved in. At first I was nervously excited. For one, I had to tell Mama y Papa. Yes, I'm 30 yrs old, I'm an adult, I've got near grown ass kids. But this is what happens when you're Papa's girl. Its not approval I was seeking (see above); but it was acceptance. And since they are uber-supportive, they were good about it. I was nervous because its been just the 3 of us for so very long. I was nervous because I'm so accustomed to being in charge of everything. I was nervous because I don't HOW to relinquish control - or so I thought. ;-) So after we worked through those things, the excitement took over. And then, THEN, the real issues came up. I have to share closet space. I really tried to free up 1/2 of the closet. Errr, no go. But I tried! :) And today I'm going to clean out the bootleg drawer in the bathroom. Ok, really, it's no different from the other drawer...same dimensions, etc. However, It is closest to the wall/door and is just akward to get in/out of. I've been using it for makeup and stuff; things I don't use very often. He's a good sport about it though! :)


The Lab

So, Hau Nan is speaking to me again. I started a new experiment last Tuesday. The issue is, phase 1 takes about 3 hours, phase 2 maybe 15 minutes and then its left overnight. Phase 3 takes another 2 1/2 hours or so. And phase 4 is about 3 or 4 hours. I worked almost 14 hours this week; not cool man. Its too much. I'm supposed to be around 7~8. We're meeting with the professor on Monday. I need to find out points in the process where taking a break won't ruin things. Oh, my experiment failed. My samples were supposed to dissolve at around 120 C. I raised the temp to 135 C (which is 275 F) and a couple of them still weren't dissolved! There were huge chunks of polymer sitting in the vial. And, I kept picking the vials up to examine them. But, duh! They are at 275 degrees and they're glass!!! I kept burning my fingertips. Damn shame.


The kids

MJ is so very bright (they both are really). And he is quite a bit ahead of the class, especially in math. I think this makes him bore easily. He doesn't exactly act out, but he doesn't do what he needs to do. I give him a tiny bit of wiggle room here because I remember being in 5th & 6th grade and those damn kids were so behind, I'd finish my work & be bored.  I STAYED in trouble. Last trimester, he had the best report card ever. Their grading system is E, A, P, N - exceeding, achieving, partially achieving, not achieving. He'd gotten 2 (I think) P's. He has been determined to get all E's and A's. This week he got 100% on his spelling test, science test, and math assessment. And he was so very proud of himself. Report cards come home on the 26th, we'll see :)


Also, M is part of a group for "african-american" boys. --another post for another day, I don't do the "AA" term...we're black-- They all get together with a (black) guy who faciliates, the eduction coordinator for their school, and the counselor. It seems to be a good outlet for them, however he told me about a boy (Jewish) who likes to call the black boys 'niggers'.  When they've complained, the boy has been put in time out. That has been the extent of his discipline for this behavior. I'm going up to the school on Monday.



I've now completed my first exam for each class and I have a paper due Monday for my history class. I got an 82 on my OChem exam which is an A. I think I got at least a 90 on my Calc exam. It was super easy. 7 problems and I finished 6 of them in like...15 minutes. Then I spent a good 25 minutes on 1 problem.  I don't give a rats ass about an alligator population. There were 50 alligators. The population of alligators satisfies the differential equation y' = 0.0001 x^2 (that's x squared) - .01x. How many alligators after 4 months?  Yeah, so I calculated 51. The answer was 49. Bastards. I don't think I'll lose the whole 15 points though. Bleh. And I did horribly on my PChem exam. Ugh. I hope I squeak out at least a 65.


This week is going to be a bit rough for me, but I'm so looking forward to the weekend!


Hard Labor - Part Deux

Posted on February 6, 2010 at 11:18 AM Comments comments (2)

LOL! :) Well, you had to know the boys' turn was coming!  So my kids are 3 days apart...we know this already! :-)

Shakese was 9 months, 2 days old when I found out I was pregnant with MJ. It was my dad's birthday and my little brother's 8th grade graduation. I told NO ONE. I mean, I'm in there changing Shakese's diaper and I'm pregnant!!!!


There were a lot of family issues going on around that time and I was under a ton of stress. I went in for my 7 month check up and was already dialated about 1 1/2 cm. My midwife freaked out and put me on bed rest. [Side note: having a midwife during pregnancy instead of an OB significantly lowers out of pocket costs for prenatal care. And a doctor still performs the delivery] Bed rest is depressing. At first it was fun. I'd sit on my butt all day, watch TLC: A Baby Story, eat Oreo's and whatever randomness Uncle Ty made me for breakfast (like waffles with mozarella sticks). But after awhile, not so much. I went into labor a gazillion times and they kept stopping it. Hey! Maybe I should do some research and see if those drugs have any effect on the kid because MJ is crazy! LOL!!


Saturday night, my mom was up all night cooking. There was some big event at church on Sunday and there were a ton of people staying at our house. I woke up at about 5 a.m. with those familiar back pains. My midwife had already decided this little guy was determined to debut and said the next time I go into labor, we're letting it happen. So I knew this was it. My mom was already up, checking on food, etc.


[Side note on mom...she doesn't care what you have going on. Before she goes to the hospital she is making her some breakfast. My niece was almost born in a cab because of this!]


I got up and started packing my bag. I took a shower, made & fed Shakese her breakfast, all with an occasional break to let a labor pain pass. Within a couple hours the contractions were coming fast. I told her I was ready and called the kids' dad and grandparents. Neither responded immediately because I sounded "too calm" LOL!


We got to the hospital, maybe around 8:00. I was determined to get an epidural this time. But nope. I was 4 cm and the midwife (very pro-natural birth) says, "on average, you dialate about 1 cm per hour, why don't you try soaking in a warm bath, it'll help relieve the pain." Well, around 45 minutes later I had a very "what the hell?!" feeling. This was my water breaking (I didn't have this w/Kese, they did it manually when I was already in friggin pain). I rang the little emergency thingy and the nurses rushed in. They get me on the bed and whaddya know, I'm fully dialated! Bastards!!!! Again, no drugs! Arrgghhhhh! :mad:So now I'm pissed cause its gonna hurt!  It was 9:15 when she first said I could start pushing. At 9:18 a.m. on Sunday, February 6th, MJ was born.


He weighed in at 7lbs 1 oz and was 22.5" long. Poor guy had a low body temp and I couldn't hold him right away. He had to go under the warming lights, like a cheeseburger! LOL! When I did hold him, I had to think back a lil bit because I'm telling you, this kid looked hispanic! Who is this little Latino baby?! This time, their dad was sober and was basically in the corner, hiding behind the curtain. Afraid to come out.


I do not remember much of M's early months. Maybe its because they're 3 days apart and it all meshed together?! I do remember everyone calling him a weird little baby...and now we call him a weird little boy. He used to make all these crazy faces and make all these weird body movements. And I swear he looked like Gazoo from the Flintstones!

Bless his little heart, he started sleeping through the night at 2 months. He walked at around 9 months. And he didn't talk for a loooooong ass time! Now we can't PAY him to be quiet. Well, wait...that might actually work. He has an extreme fascination with money - this we know did NOT come from me. He was so clumsy that I repeatedly took him in for hearing checks because his balance was horrible!

When he was about 4 years old, he was in love with a girl named Lauren Fletcher. He would give her his blanket at nap time. He would lend is sweatshirt when she was cold. They would plan to wear their Culpepper jerseys on the same day!! He punched Kobe (who is still his best friend) for kissing Lauren on the cheek.


He's so laid back. He's incredibly bright. The most observant kid (person) I've ever met. He's a math whiz. He remembers EVERYTHING. He's overly affectionate and probably thinks too much. He excels at every sport he plays. He is quite a creative writer.  He's overly dramatic. He is never going to leave me. This is an issue :) I will try my very best not to ruin him for the future Mrs. Malon.


Happy 10th Birthday to my favorite boy, who makes me smile every single day.

It's a scam!

Posted on January 30, 2010 at 5:21 PM Comments comments (2)

You have a baby, it really it is a little bundle of joy. All cute and warm and what-not. And then one day they break your favorite doodad that just happened to be eye level. Then another day they hit you upside the head with some hard plastic toy while you're sleeping or something. One day they fall out and throw a tantrum like they've lost their damn mind. Oh yeah, sure, in between they do cute, funny, loving stuff.

But then, one day, they start treating you like a sucka. These people, last week, had the nerve to turn their faces up at me when I was making pancakes one morning. "Oh, you're making pancakes. I like Mike's pancakes." And then today, it was "no offense mom, yours just aren't as good." They've been eating my pancakes for what....10 years!! Ungrateful ass kids!

LOL!! :)

I love those guys. They are heee-larious! They're growing up on me. She'll be 12 this year. 7th grade. But I don't understand. I swear to goodness, this wasn't THAT long ago! :)

He's going to be 10 years old in a WEEK!!!!!!!! 7 days!! 10 is like, double digits!!!!!!

I don't have a lot of baby pics of M. All the fuss kind of dissipates with the subsequent ones. It's so wrong, but so true. You aren't all super nazi about everything. You've come to the cold, hard realization that they will be just. fine. That it isn't necessary to have pictures every 2 weeks and send out updates to everyone. LOL! Mike thinks I'm going to be all sappy when they leave (I got news for him!). I've already figured it out...by the time she is about 16 I'm going to be counting down. Then I'll miss her at first. Then M will leave and then it'll be like....WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!! And then at some point I'll miss them again. I'll love em....from afar ;-)

And there goes my "Mom of the Year award!"


Posted on January 18, 2010 at 4:21 PM Comments comments (4)

Tomorrow I start school. I have this weird thing where I get uber butterflies when I think about this journey as a whole. Fear of failure = not wanting to step out the box. Bleh. I'm prepared to hit the books - hard. I have a game plan, I have a mission, I'm focused!!!! I was just on the site for my  Organic Chem class - I think I'm going to like this instructor already. He posted a very straightforward 2 page intro to the course. Basically, this is not a cakewalk, don't expect it to be, but it is possible to do well. YES you will have to memorize stuff (every single prof I've ever had has said not to memorize). But the truth is, when the difference of 1 Carbon atom means an entirely different chemical structure and that's missed....you're gonna suck.  There is no curve - YIKES But this can be a good thing. It's a straight scale and it's generous. 80-100% is an A. As always, C- is passing and that's right around 50%. In general chemistry, there's a stupid curve where no more than 20% of students can get an A and no more than 50% can have A's and B's. Sucks ass.

In Physical Chemistry I am not pleased to hear that the grade is comprised entirely of exam scores - 2 midterms and the final. Bleh. That class also has no curve, but is a bit less generous. Calc 3 - Linear Algebra. The fact that the title is something "algebra" should be comforting, but I'm not so sure, we'll see. And the head of the math department basically told me too bad so sad about my Calc 2 grade. Apparently it's bad when the majority of the class does well on exam. And since the grade distribution on the first midterm was so high, they threw it out. WTF?!?  Anyway....

I've spent a bunch of days with my sweetheart during this break. It has been so awesome. I don't even have that "I'm sending him off to fight in the war" feeling knowing he's leaving in a few days. OMG he makes me smile :-)

My son is a junky ass kid; pretty much as his mother was. And I had a father with zero tolerance. On the other hand, I really don't care, besides feeling like mom's should make sure their kids rooms are clean. Does that make sense?? Well, Mike fuelled a male-pride fire in MJ and they spent ALL day Saturday cleaning his room. He allowed M to take the credit for it though LOL! My boy was SOOOOOO proud to show me his nice clean room. He's been working to keep it clean these past few days, even making his bed each day - WOW! And this morning, he had the nerve to clown Shakese because of her room. I love it!

I've read some pretty cool books lately, knowing that readingforpleasure will be coming to an abrupt halt soon! Well, I dosometimeshave a book to read on the bus ride to/from school. But thenit takesme like 3 weeks to finish it! One was the Single SisterExperiment by Mimi Jefferson. The 'basic' premise of the book isrelated to single women and premarital sex. There is a deeper message(it's Urban Christian Literature). It was quite thought provoking. Ienjoyed it.



The second was When love calls, you better answer by Bertrice Berry.This book is basically about looking for love in ALL the wrong places;something I think most of us can identify with. Plus the dialogue wasjust very...fun! I'm always on the hunt for reading material, sosuggestions are welcomed!

This is getting long...whew...and I'm hungry.

Ending a year...and a decade

Posted on December 31, 2009 at 11:45 PM Comments comments (6)

At this time 10 years ago, I was at home, almost 8 months pregnant with MJ. I was on bedrest and was probably eating peanut m&m's or oreo cookies and watching 'A Baby Story'. That may explain MJ's sugar addiction. I was a junk food junkie while I was pregnant with him.

Over the next 2 years, I dealt with two major bouts of depression, went through a year of counseling, antidepressants, and fantasies of running away and starting a new life somewhere else. I hit some really low points during this time.


Life got better, I spent the next 3 years working at a company I loved, doing work I enjoyed and was very good at, but for a boss that I literally hated. Hate is a strong word, but I really wanted to wait outside her house and beat the shit out of her or something. I was the main payroll contact. I enjoyed being different -aka- not an asshole. People were so accustomed to their payroll/HR department giving them a hard time, treating them like second class citizens, and I made it my business to always, always be curteous and helpful, even when people were being utterly ridiculous. I worked there for exactly 3 years; from 11-18-02 to 11-18-05. That is the longest I've ever worked anywhere. That's crazy!


But, I made some bad choices and the next 3 years were hell. H-E-L-L I tellyou! I suffered a lot.  Went through my "why me" period, but in hindsight, continued to live recklessly. Doing stupid stuff. Making horrible choices. Constantly setting myself up for failure. Always waiting for stuff to go wrong, but not realizing that everything was going wrong because of ME.  At some point, I realized that what I was missing was faith. I did not believe. I claimed to believe in God, but I was not living as if I did. As you probably know, this is a process. I started searching for answers, praying, asking for guidance. And now, now my life is better than it has truly ever been. 

To recap this year...err...the beginning of the year is a blur. InJanuary 2009, I was ready to live a new life, according to a new path that was set for me, that much I do know. I knew I needed to open my mind and my heart to new possibilities. I had to stop having a defeatist attitude towards school; I mean, yes, it's hard as hell, but it's not impossible. I had to learn that. I had to stop fooling myself into thinking I wasn't harboring past hurts and projecting them into the present. Again, prayer works...it changes things.

Another thingthat helped was starting this blog, which was approximately March of thisyear. I go back sometimes and read earlier posts and laugh, or shake my head, or like when I just skimmed the post after my parents moved...tear up. It is amazing to be witness to personal growth,especially when it's your own.


In May I met Mike. ::swoon:: I knew (knew) right away that this was it. This was the guy. So many times I've told friends or family, "Nope. Heis definitely NOT the guy." And then we found each other (awesomeness). At some point, last year, while I was figuring out what I needed/wanted to do differently with myself and with my life and relationships, I made a list of 10 must have qualities (real, true qualities) and 10 absolute dealbreakers. In June, I was questioning myself, I couldn't believe that I was falling in love so quickly. This does not happen to me. I've very"in control" of my emotions :roll:. So in my journal (which is a combination of thoughts & also prayers that I write out), I was questioning these feelings and how he just seemed to be so right for me. I wrote down the things I liked most about him; what I admired, appreciated, etc. Not too long after that, I found that list that I'd made. And I swear to goodness (mama always said don't "swear") everythingthat I'd written in the journal matched the list of 10. None of the dealbreakers applied. And this has been an amazing (almost) 8 months!


I've still had some struggles this year, but nothing that makes me feel helpless or hopeless. I wake up happy & go to bed happy. I amjoyful. My kids are happy. Mike is happy. I'm growing stronger in myfaith. I am fully prepared for the year ahead; it's going to be a great one!